Memorial

Memorial was lovely. Nice turn out. Her pictures were great and lots of people from her neighborhood came to the memorial and not the reception after. This hanging out here at her house is not fun, I don’t dig these people, I’m not like them.

Funeral Home

Did the funeral home thing. Signed mom’s life away. Such a scam that business. Original quote 3650, actual price 6750. There will still be other costs too. Mom would be upset. Her friends keep calling me, its nice but not. Picked out flowers but went to the wrong place so I’ll do that again tomorrow. Asked family to post pictures or share some have. I’m jealous of the ones with weddings and graduations that we’ll not have. I’m feeling pushed out, I don’t know why. I didn’t cry today. I miss her, so very much. I don’t want people touching or taking her stuff, silly.

Making arrangements

RN monday, Chaplin Tuesday, Social worker tomorrow, RN Thursday, Friday visit with her doctor to say goodbye…. Friday night, my brother comes. Next week funeral home comes to plan. Each of those days we drag out things, make lists, make plans, discuss how much she wants to be done, how soon it could come, how horrible it would be to drag out… I get it, but I hate it. How many times can a “child” hear that their parent wants to die. I cry every day… I can’t imagine my world without her. She does seem to be improving a little, at times and other times not so much. I feel like a child, that will be an orphan… no grownups that are mine.