Took a nap today, woke up crying. In the dream my mom had died, I planned her memorial and no one came. I had her ashes sitting on the bar and everyone (random people I didn’t know) kept telling me it was no big deal. I kept screaming at people to shut up and leave me alone because it was a big deal, it was a huge freaking deal. I had let her down. Just like I’d done in real life.
I rarely dream, today I took a nap and dreamt that I was at my sister’s house for the memorial but it was my brother’s hallway and I saw the back of my mom pushing this box down the hallway. In the dream I actually rubbed my eyes like “is this true? Is she here,” then woke up and it took me a couple of minutes to come to terms that it wasn’t real. Two weeks ago yesterday, I lost her. My sister says she came to visit me and show me she was taking her “things”. My sister asked what do you think was in the box? I said her memories. I’ve never felt more alone.