What the fuck …

When I set boundaries people leave, I know, I know… then they weren’t meant to be in my life.

When I set boundaries people say I’m bitter or have a chip on my shoulder.

If I set rules, I’m stubborn or inflexible. If I ever make demands then I’m needy and unable to stand on my own.

So if I just give everything of myself, sacrifice everything I am, then they’ll be good to me. But no, they wont, they will take advantage.

Don’t give up yourself… but if you don’t bend, fold and give up you must be a bitch.

I have never been a priority in anyone’s life.

I write shit and I backspace it out because it sounds like I’m feeling sorry for myself. I’m not feeling sorry for myself I’m fucking sad.

I’m not a victim, I don’t want to be a victim. If I was a victim I’d just give up, I’d be dead.

The world tells me to be one way, then tells me it’s wrong. The world tells me to be another way, then tells me I’m wrong. Fuck you world.

 

 

After You

You came into her life as the most welcome guest. She accepted you with every bit of her heart. She gave you her soul, body and mind and you threw all that away so easily and proudly. You tore her heart apart. You broke her.

All she ever wanted was to be loved and respected. That’s everything she expected from you. Did she ask for too much? No, I find that hard to believe.

She always treated you with respect and admiration. She often neglected and forgot about her needs, wishes and problems so that she could take care of your own. You were here pride, her missing half, her guiding light. You were her all.

And what did you do? It was easier for you to trample on her pride and heart than to acknowledge her kindness and generosity. Yeah, don’t worry – you successfully managed to shatter her hopes and confidence into countless pieces. Does this make you happy and contend with yourself?

The sad thing is that he never did anything to deserve your cruel treatment. She never deserved to put up with your BS. She was the kind of person that was very easy to love, respect and admire, but you never realized that or maybe you didn’t want to see it.

Oh, and I know. I know that many will say that she should have been stronger. That she should have stood up for herself and shown dignity. That maybe it was her fault for letting her “awesome” guy take advantage of her and emotionally abuse her. And that is she had shown resilience, courage and had more self-confidence, she wouldn’t have suffered. But, it was not that easy.

She knew deep down that things weren’t right. She knew her relationship was not what she signed up for. The little voice in her head screaming to her, “Run! Run the fasted that you can and never look back!” But, she couldn’t. She couldn’t let go of him. She fell into his toxic trap and let him have control over her mind. He got under her skin and could do to her heart whatever he wanted.

After you broke her, she changed. She became a completely different person from the one she was before she met you. After you broke her:

She guards her heart.

It was you who broke it into tiny pieces, you remember that, right? You taught her that love can leave deep scars on her body and soul that will never be completely healed. And now she hides her heart within herself. She doesn’t let anyone come near it. She’s afraid that her painful past can repeate itself again.

She doesn’t trust anyone.

She believed you were the loving, kind, unselfish person she fell in love with the first time she met you. But it turned out you were nothing else, but the evil itself in disguise. You were a vampire who sucked the happiness out of her. Now, she thinks twice before she lets other people in her life. Now, she doubts everything that others tell her.

She knows how to fake her feelings.

Before she met you, she was the most honest person. She was never afraid to show her emotions openly, no matter if she was happy or sad. But, when you can into her life, you showed her what real suffering looked like and this devastated her hopes and spirit. Because of that, she started feeling ashamed of her own thoughts and feelings. She didn’t want anyone to know how she felt and what she was going through.

Now, she can put a smile on her face even though she’s crying inside. Now, she laughs even though her whole body aches. She says she’s find although a lot of things are weighing her down. She behaves carelessly even though she’s carrying a heavy burden on her shoulders. Now, her face is bright although she lives in darkness.

Yeah, it seems too unfair or depressing but this is what she turned into after you broke her.

 

(Melanie, I’m good…. I just had this saved on my computer and wanted to delete it, but wanted to save it also.)