Got mom home yesterday, hospice nurse met us at mom’s house. New meds, more confusion for both of us. We bickered a bit, I got frustrated she wasn’t listening and she felt I wasn’t listening. shortly after we both cried and apologized to each other. Got her clothes changed, medicated up (xanax and morphine make grandma happy) and settled in. Came home had dinner and did school stuff with Antone. Karl, Ashlee and I went back over about 9:30. They played on their phones, while I got mom medicated again and into bed. I stayed up too late and didn’t sleep well, but not doing bad. I’ll go over and a little bit and set her up for the day. Need to address some things with hospice, my bad not theirs.
Meeting with “heart ‘n home” which is hospice today in my mom’s hospital room. Anxious about my mom going home (I’d rather she was here, at my house, she doesn’t like my husband and isn’t a pet person), but not about hospice. I slept 9 hours, in MY bed, last night.
In the month of march we celebrated two birthdays, I had two loved ones tell me they wanted to die, I had one loved one beg me to let her die, I’ve been to the emergency room twice, the doctor too many times to count and a family member quit/lose their job and then lose health insurance, had a loved one have major surgery, had three loved ones get super sick and I’m tired, so very tired.
I started the day crying, i ended the day crying. I just want it to end.