I present a strong facade. I can handle this, I can cope but instead I turn off. I go through the motions of living, taking care of others, taking care of my duties as a wife, mother, pet owner and used to be a daughter. I am no longer a daughter for I no longer have parents.
In reality, I am broken and would like to be carried, just for a bit. Someone to hold me and make me feel safe and protected, even for a few moments. To matter, to be important enough to be put first.
I want to be a princess, to be special, to be loved and cared about just a small fraction of time.
I’m exhausted. I’ve got nothing left to give. I can’t carry the weight of this life anymore. I don’t even like me.
I don’t want to die and I do look forward to a new and better life.
But I do want to give up, I do want to stop living.
If I didn’t have my kids or my dogs, I’d be gone already.