I want to give up. I am so tired of living. I’m tired of struggling through each day, dreading the next. I don’t see anything better, brighter… It will just be the same old shit. I hear my train, the one that will be mine some day, if I live here long enough. I imagine standing beside the tracks, then just at the last minute, step in front. I’m sorry conductor guy. Don’t feel bad.
I hope I’m brave enough, I’d rather jump from somewhere high, but there’s no where liked that here. How exhilerating to free fall to death. To be free…
Mom, why did you have to go and leave me here? My life was still much better with you in it. I’m empty.
In the month of march we celebrated two birthdays, I had two loved ones tell me they wanted to die, I had one loved one beg me to let her die, I’ve been to the emergency room twice, the doctor too many times to count and a family member quit/lose their job and then lose health insurance, had a loved one have major surgery, had three loved ones get super sick and I’m tired, so very tired.
I started the day crying, i ended the day crying. I just want it to end.