It’s ok, I’m used to it.


Being with a selfish person can slowly make you distrust yourself and become a stranger to who you once were. You don’t want to lose them, but a part of you knows that you are losing yourself to keep them by your side. This is how a selfish partner can drain your soul.

1. They make you question your self-worth
A selfish partner is often so self-obsessed that you become a means to an end. When they don’t get what they want, they attack your self-esteem and make you doubt yourself.

2. They make guilt your constant companion
When you are with your partner, it doesn’t feel as fun and happy as before. You are constantly battling guilt, either for doing what you want or simply feeling the things couple feel and expect from each other.

3. They rob you of your spontaneity
A selfish person who uses guilt or anger to control you makes you overly cautious. You don’t say what you feel or allow yourself to be free. You pick your words and walk on eggshells, which kills that part of you that is free-spirited and in love with life.

4. They confuse love with sacrifice
Every time you say no to a selfish partner, they make you feel like a horrible person. Love doesn’t demand that you give up who you are. Sacrifice leads to resentment, especially if it is always one person giving up their needs.

5. They make it YOU vs. LOVE
Almost all arguments end in you having to choose between being who you truly are and loving them. True love encourages you to be who you are and become a better version of yourself.

6. You learn to put your needs second
This is by far the most dangerous of ill-effects. You adapt to your partner’s whims and fancies that you stop doing things for yourself that are important. This even impacts basic needs like going to sleep on time, getting enough rest, eating on time, getting time alone to unwind, etc.

7. You begin to disregard your own feelings
You first stop expressing your feelings to your partner openly. Then you begin to judge your emotions as silly or dramatic (which is what your partner wants you to believe). Then you lose touch with your feelings and don’t know what you feel anymore.

8. They lie or hurt you and blame you for it
If they are caught lying or found to be doing something that hurts you, they turn the table and makes it seem like you were responsible for it. Apart from the pain caused by them, you also end up feeling guilty for something you didn’t do.

9. You end up being the emotional caretaker
Selfish people are not always aggressive. They also come in the form of weak, dependent partners who refuse to grow up and take responsibility for themselves. They seem to have a banner above that says “poor me, what will I do if you don’t help me?”

10. You end up with scars for life
Being with a selfish partner for long can have a big impact on your self-esteem and emotional health. You often end up carrying so much baggage and doubting your own worth that it’s hard for you to be vulnerable with others.

11. They strip away your trust in people
Because of their constant need to be right and their lack of empathy for others, they end up making you lose trust in people. You take a lot of time to open up and wonder if someone is genuine or acting nice with a secret agenda.

12. You don’t laugh as much anymore
A selfish partner who uses emotional manipulation can make you lose your innate joy. You find yourself being exhausted or tired. You barely break into a giggle, let alone have a deep belly laugh.

His pain…

when she got her money…. I didn’t tell her what to do with it…. Everyone got something, but I didn’t get anything…

I didn’t get money, I didn’t win the lottery, I lost my mom. My mom fucking died you idiot! I would give back every dime to have her back.

I played his game.

I tell my daughter and then my husband “I am going to eat.” I make myself a sandwich, in the meantime my daughter comes out and makes herself some leftovers. We’re sitting at the table eating when my husband walks out. The look on his face is “shock” (I mean honestly how could I eat without letting him know/making him food/asking his permission/whatever.) I say, “I told you I was going to eat.”
Dear Lord, I must have somehow magically called him a bitch because he lost his mind. “OH NO YOU DID NOT.”
“Yes, I did. I told our daughter then I walked directly to the room you were in and told you. You may not have heard me but I did tell you.”
Slamming, banging and shit throwing begins. I look at my daughter and mouth, do not react, do not react… I am saying it to her but for me as well. I start showing her something on my tablet to distract us both and we begin to talk like “normal” people. This only intensifies the banging and door slamming. I finish my food and get up so I can put away my things. I ask him if he needs something that I left out and he snaps at me, “Don’t worry about anything I will take care of myself by myself.”
I react… I couldn’t help it. Inside my head I could hear myself saying DONNNN’T DOOOO ITTTT. ha!

I kept my words calm and collected but it just set him off like no tomorrow.
I’m a know it all.
I’m always right.
I only care about myself.
I am mean.
I treat him like shit.
I…..I….
I actually laughed out loud and walked out of the room.

The funny (not funny) thing is, I had spent a better part of the morning watching youtube videos telling me how to respond and not react. How to disconnect and not play the game. Then, I went and Connected, Reacted and Played the game! I played his game, HARD and I lost. I allowed him to push my buttons.

I was feeling bad about the way I treat him this morning. I felt guilty that I wasn’t giving him a fair chance. Why do I doubt that he is the monster I know he is and somehow think I am the one at fault? Why can’t I stop doing that?

Then… an hour later. I fall apart. I’m wholly depressed and see no light, no way out. I’m defeated and crying. I am so over living this life. I’m not wonderful but I am not horrible.

Buttons.

Just about every day there is some type of challenge issued to me. Constant button pushing… Act like an ass then stare at me and ask me “What?” You know damn well you are challenging me to fight back or to wither up and die. Sometimes I have time to play your game, sometimes I don’t but most of the time I just don’t have the energy. I honestly do not like you, I love you because I’ve always loved you and I know other thing… but I do not like you.

You asked me once if it made my skin crawl when you touched me, I said no. It doesn’t make my skin crawl but I don’t like it. Especially today when you did what you did. What on earth makes you think I would like that, want that or approve of that? You are stupid. You don’t care about anyone but yourself.

I can’t even find the words to express how miserable I am. But it wouldn’t matter to you. It has never mattered to you, because in the end I don’t matter to you.