Mrs Groovy

Change everything about me:

Other meds didn’t work, trying a second type. So far so good… I havent gotten sick from them yet. Are they working…. um no, not yet. He said there was one other to try then he’d have to send me elsewhere for help. Not going to happen.

I actually considered inpatient. I laugh, now. Well, giggle really.

We have a family member on meds… on the husband’s side. His parents talked about it. Let’s just say, “they don’t get it”. So I’ll just be quiet over here.

Per usual I wasted the summer.
School starts the 31st. Let’s see how it goes.

I used to be here but now I’m not,
nobody cares, at least, not a lot.
I’ve put up the walls and I’m closing the door
I’ll be inside myself once more.

Standing outside on the back patio its almost as if I’ve been painted into a 3D picture. I never see shapes in the clouds but tonight, clearly see many. Walking into the yard the dark clouds above me seem close enough to touch. Almost like a stage prop hanging above our heads. Kids nearby scream and laugh… the sound track repeats as the clouds present more shapes. A dark twister, a bird with the fish in its mouth or the giant capital K and of course the space ship. Meanwhile the darker clouds above hang heavy right within our reach but too heavy to hold up.

I don’t write here anymore and I miss it a lot. I miss that I dont document all the many little things I wont remember next week. I have the memory of a fly (dont they only live 2 days anyway) I dont miss that I would dwell and get myself upset writing about things that hurt or annoy me.

I miss having a sounding board. I dont miss putting my personal crap out there. I miss having people “understand” me. I dont miss people not understanding me. I miss venting.

Mostly I miss remembering my life, my days, my time with my kids and husband. The silly things…

I miss the memories.

I miss writing. There have been several times I’ve thought oh I should write about that but I didn’t for one reason or another. Then my whole other site getting hacked really made me stop and think. Evaluate if I really wanted to have all that other stuff. I’ve moved it each time, some still left back at diaryland, some lost or broken in the moves. My hosting came up and I had to decide do I want to keep everything is really that important for me to keep all of it, together?

Then my husband and I were having a disagreement about something I remembered it one way, he another… I wanted to go check my site to see if I had written about it. Then I remembered I hadnt written anything. I like having a place for my thoughts. I like being able to write down my memories because lord knows I have the worst memory.

So I paid for my hosting and I’ll just take it for what its worth.

Which is, a place for me to remember me.