Aprons

My mom ordered these aprons for mother’s day, before she died. She bought 5 of them and we were left to assume who they were for. Today while going through her paperwork, I found the order form. The purple one listed first had my name, then a black one with Linda’s name, a pink one for “me” (my mom) and blue one for Helen (her twin) and a multicolored one for her best friend Rose. Linda and I were the only ones who took one so I think I will mail Helen’s to her and I will hand deliver to Rose. The pink one that was for mom, I’ll keep. Today has been rough. I called creditors to close her accounts, they are real nice when you don’t owe them any money… There is only one account remaining open and it has credit/life so I’m just waiting for the paperwork. I miss my mom so much. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of her. I drive by her neighborhood ALL the time and it physically hurts. I see her smile on my profile photo and it’s a stab in my heart. I need her, want her… Can’t cope without her. I’m dying…just dying without her.

Regret

So tonight, I started making a new smorelike cookie bar thingie… I was going to use my mom’s mixer cause the boys ruined mine… then I was looking for brown sugar… I looked in one of mom’s canisters and there was flour….and her flour….sifter…. I always wanted one of those things because it’s what grown ups used but I never wanted to buy one. Hysterical…can’t breath….crying…then the marshmallow cream was hers and even some of the chocolate chips were hers. Oh mom… why can’t you be here with me?! Why did I waste so much time?! I’m so freaking stupid. I should have known better, I should have learned with my dad. How could I be that dumb?!